Can't tell her

I was lying in bed thinking about all the things that's going on right now, about me, about my life. What am I really doing? What do I want to do with my life? These thoughts keeps getting on my mind, when I am alone...
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I haven't shared a bed with anyone for quite some time now, not even shared a bed with a friend. I know this sounds really wrong and all but I don't really care how it sounds I'm just telling how things are.
Sharing a bed with friends happened a lot before, but everyone is moving on. Getting boy/girlfriends. Leaving me alone. Not that they mean to, but they do. But being alone is a small thing to pay when most of them are happy. I really shouldn't feel lonely, I still have you around. But I miss you all so damn much!
I should be focusing on moving on with my life, not stopping and looking back. That's not as easy as I make it out to be... Leaving these feelings behind, I don't think I can.
There is this one person that I really miss the most. But seeing her, I can't do that. I want to hold her like I used to. I want to be able to comfort her. But I am not allowed to, not any more.
She is of limits, and I am afraid to let her know. I've had feelings for her, even before I really knew how deep they were, are. But she is out of my reach. I want to hug her, hold her close, lie down next to her listening to her talk. I miss just lying down and listening to her voice. I miss that she rather lie down next to me then in the bed right next to mine.
I miss her so much and I can't tell her...